As of this moment, NPR is reporting 49 dead and more wounded in a pair of shootings at New Zealand mosques during Friday prayers. I lit my Flame of Hope this morning as part of my response.
“Thoughts and prayers,” the common refrain of those who don’t have the decency and courage to create change, is something I think about often, when I tend the Flame of Hope.
I’ve mused a bit previously about how this project has never been perfect (“Hope and Engagement; Pictures and Actions” August 20, 2018), and since lighting the first few candles, I’ve been acutely aware of these limitations.
It’s perhaps been most interesting to me that Tending the Flame of Hope has become a baseline, and the fact that I do this every day now makes it seem like what I’m doing just isn’t “enough,” even though I’m clearly doing “something,” which is so much more than I’d be doing if I wasn’t doing this. But that’s for another article.
I’ve never really specified the sorts of actions I take beyond the flame, though, on days like today. I’d like to go ahead and outline some of those things, since today I posted the following:
This Tending the Flame of Hope work is hardest when it looks like it stands alone. Today, particularly, it looks insufficient and small.
It is, to me, the smallest action, the baseline. It is a maker of mindfulness and memory.
It must be only Step 1.
So, I’ve made Step 1 clear. Let’s talk about this, and the rest:
Step 1 – Lighting the Flame. I do this as my first step in response to tragedy for a variety of reasons: it centers me, gives me a moment to pause and collect, and it is a physical act. It is prayer made physical. It’s real.
Step 2 – If you know someone in the community reach out and check in. Don’t push or blow up their phone. Just drop a text and ask. Today, I don’t know anyone local to the tragedy in NZ, but that leads me to Step 3.
Step 3 – Donate. If I know where I can donate to alleviate pain and suffering, I do that. It doesn’t have to be much: I don’t want people to hurt themselves to help others (giving until it hurts is not a virtue in my book). It doesn’t take long after a tragedy to find places to send cash. Today, if you type “donate New Zealand” into Google, for example, you’ll find a lot of options that can be helpful. Be discerning, but generous, if you can.
Step 4 – Read. Find reliable news sources to get a fuller picture of what happened. News stories change a lot as things start to settle after tragedy, so don’t jump on every detail, but make note of things that concern you.
Step 5 – Talk. Check in with your friends who are likely to be affected by ripples. Choose what work to do through conversations and understanding. You can’t determine what to do next without actually talking to people. There’s no handbook for this work. You just have to listen to people and respond appropriately.
The Flame of Hope project is actually heavily focused on my friendships and interactions with Muslim friends; two years ago, when we were seriously discussing Muslim registries in this country, I sat down with a friend for lunch. We met often, and I was careful to show my friendship. We spoke about the possible registry once, and I was very clear about my feelings on it, and let him know I’d go with him to register, too, if it came to that, but mostly I shared my time with my friend.
I got a feel for what would help him and his family the most. I ended up going to a mosque he frequented for some training and activism work. I spoke with his faith leaders. I found ways to get involved on the level I was able to.
We’re limited, we humans, in what we can do for others sometimes. Those limitations come from a lot of places: responsibility, lack of funds, and even privilege (which is to say, sometimes we can’t help through willful ignorance). But there are small things that we can do that have impact on others. Just showing up, or even just showing an interest, can go a long way for someone hurting.
For me, Step 1 is lighting a fire. It’s centering and finding my own light in the darkness. Every step after that kindles more light. It will never banish darkness entirely, but it certainly can improve our ability to see each other more clearly.
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