{"id":1340,"date":"2023-03-03T01:52:55","date_gmt":"2023-03-03T01:52:55","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/67.225.164.17\/~chronarchy\/?p=1340"},"modified":"2023-03-03T01:52:55","modified_gmt":"2023-03-03T01:52:55","slug":"i-want-to-be-a-ninja","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/67.225.164.17\/~chronarchy\/i-want-to-be-a-ninja\/","title":{"rendered":"I Want to be a Ninja"},"content":{"rendered":"

I’m nearly falling asleep as I write this. I meditated on a topic today, not something I usually do. Today’s topic? What would it be like to be a ninja!<\/p>\n

1. All my clothes would finally match.<\/p>\n

2. I wouldn’t need to worry about money. Ninja do not need day jobs.<\/p>\n

3. I could sleep with a sword and no one would think it was weird.<\/p>\n

4. I would be impervious to bullets. Or I could at least dodge them.<\/p>\n

5. The law would be unable to touch me.<\/p>\n

6. My battle-cry would rock.<\/p>\n

7. My chosen profession would finally warrant an action figure (with kung-fu grip!)<\/p>\n

8. I could walk into a room and see 10 ways to kill you before you could beg for your life.<\/p>\n

9. I would finally have the excuse I’ve always needed to purchase a grappling hook.<\/p>\n

10. It would no longer matter whether I was invited to parties or not: I could sneak in, jump into the middle of the room, and commit sepuku on the spot, thus insuring that the host would never again forget to invite me.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I’m nearly falling asleep as I write this. I meditated on a topic today, not something I usually do. Today’s topic? What would it be like to be a ninja! 1. All my clothes would finally match. 2. I wouldn’t need to worry about money. Ninja do not need day jobs. 3. I could sleep […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"default","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"default","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[1,10,19],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1340","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-articles","category-essays","category-short-musings"],"yoast_head":"\nI Want to be a Ninja - Chronarchy<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"http:\/\/67.225.164.17\/~chronarchy\/i-want-to-be-a-ninja\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"I Want to be a Ninja - Chronarchy\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I’m nearly falling asleep as I write this. 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