<\/p>\nIs it in the Cards?<\/i><\/h1>\n
<\/center>When I began to work with Tarot, I was 16. I’d been turned onto the cards by a story in my school newspaper, the name of which is lost in my memory somewhere. Whatever it was, the name is no longer important.<\/p>\n
A story ran, describing something done in the cafeteria during lunch hour: people predicting the future with sets of cards. To me it sounded like a game. In some ways, my perception of divination actually has not changed: it is still a card game with little or no meaning. The only time I ascribe any real meaning to divination is when I’m in ritual. To me, it isn’t about predicting the future or understanding your unconscious. Hell, the more I hear about the unconscious, the more I think it doesn’t exist. It seems to be a perfectly simple excuse to pretend that you really don’t have any will of your own. But that’s a different essay.<\/p>\n
From the time I picked up the cards, though, I was fascinated by the game. I would ask questions and see what would happen. It wasn’t a particularly Pagan exercise, but it was more like something Parker Bros. could have put out on a whim. I still find a Ouiji Board more credible than Tarot cards, but far less fascinating.<\/p>\n
I had never bothered to self-identify with any cards, though. I figured that the cards were merely pretty pictures that maybe told a unique story if you set them up against other cards, and that was about the extent of it. I never dreamed that a person could be represented by the “Hanged Man” or “Justice”.<\/p>\n
One day, though, that all changed. I was talking with a girl, Curi, about Tarot for some reason. I was 18 by now, trying to sort things out. She looked at me, and then at Faith, and pronounced, “He’s the Emperor.”<\/p>\n
“What?” I asked. “How am I the Emperor?” Suddenly, I saw the self-identification with the cards, and I was unhappy with this choice.<\/p>\n
She shrugged. “He’s a strong willed person, leading. That’s you.”<\/p>\n
I still didn’t like this. Immediately upon the realization that a person could self-identify with one of these pictures, I wanted the Magician. It’s a cool card, and I was self-styling myself as one of these things.<\/p>\n
Almost as if reading my thoughts, she said, “Well, you can’t be the Hermit because you like attention, but your ego isn’t big enough to be the Magician.”<\/p>\n
I almost protested that my ego was that size, but to my credit I decided not to. The conversation changed track, though, and turned into a “who’s who” game, in which other people were assigned cards, sometimes seemingly willy-nilly. But I remembered that I was not the Magician.<\/p>\n
Over the past few years, though, I’ve been told that I am other cards. I was called Temperance at a festival where I refused to drink. I was called the Hierophant after a ritual that went surprisingly well. I was called the Magician at long last, after a particularly egotistical display of magic.<\/p>\n
There is a card, though, that I suspect fits me best, and always has. I came to this realization while shuffling through the cards last night, and if you don’t know the card, you probably don’t know me. The card carries a lot of misconception and occasional fear, which makes me wonder if people actually understand it.<\/p>\n
I was, recently, called something similar to this card. It’s made me wonder if this role is something that I desire, or if it’s something that has happened? Perhaps more to the point, is this role something that I embrace, or something that I fear? I don’t really know the answer to this. One day, I hope to figure it out.<\/p>\n
Until then, I’ll continue to play the game.<\/p>\n
The game of choice, at the moment, is solitaire. I can’t find anyone to play strip-tarot with me.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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